NiiSan or Nny?
by Queen Shnoogleberry
Summary: The seuqel to 'Nny or Niisan' ...Squee has fallen for a girl at school... how will Nny react? What will he do when this girl turns out to have a thing for our loveable Homicidal Maniac?
1. Chapter 1

**Tacos**

Disclaimer: I do not own JTHM or Squee... if I did own them, there are a few people who would not be walking the earth right now... don't worry... they would not be missed... I would also lend Nny out to all you intelligent people suffering from the amount of morons in today's society.

Nny pushed aside the masses of rough copies of happy noodle boy comics all crumpled on the floor. They were becoming too lucid. With a groan he responded to the voice calling to him. "...Um... Nny? Sir!... ummm... dinner's ready." Nny jumped up. He felt hungry, he realized, but that was probably from the smell.

Ever since Squee had gotten tired of Ramen, and gone to the library and signed out a cook book, Nny found himself regularly eating. Could HE help it if that kids tacos were damn good? Mouth watering excessively, he headed for the table. Squee brought out two plates both with several tacos on. Squee hated to disrupt Nny when he was in his 'moods', meaning drawing, so he learned, and quickly, what his caretaker liked on them.

"By the way," Squee said as he set the plate down, "What's in that pail in the sink?"

Nny calmly looked up from his taco. "You didn't dump it, did you?"

"No... I just moved it so I could wash the lettuce."

"Well, good. It's food. For the wall."

"food?"

"Yes. I don't want to have to go hunting tonight, so I stored the wall's 'food' in the bucket."

"Food? Hunting?" Squee was afraid to ask what Nny meant by that, so he settled with, "Why?"

"These are good tacos..."

"NNY!"

The elder of the boys gave a throaty chuckle. "Well, 'Boogie Demon Snowmen From Mars' Happens to be opening in theaters tonight."

"oh..."

"Will you be coming? You're thirteen now, it's time you learned the truth about the world."

Squee had matured enough to know his guardian was bluffing so he gave his answer eagerly. "Sure!"

"Well then, you'd better get ready, it starts in half an hour."

They left ten minutes later. The drive was ten minutes long, so they arrived just in time to secure Nny's favorite seats. Front row. Center.

As always, some prick, with his sluttish girlfriend decided to sit behind them. The kicking of the seats was inevitable. Nny warned them. He really did. More than he normally did, due to him loosing track because the movies was a good one. After about the billionth time, he turned around and silently, so as not disturb any fellow viewers, who were trying to enjoy themselves, slit their throats.

"Now, for the final time, stop kicking my seat!" He whispered to their corpses.


	2. Chapter 2

**Malificent**

Ok... I had a disclaimer on the other chapter. It still applies... and I don't own Hellsing either (References are made to it.)

"Hi Nny!" Squee pushed past the startled adult as he ran into the living room.

"Ok… Someone looks happy… So then, what happened at school today? Did that old bony crone they call a P.E. teacher finally croak? Did you 'Help' Her along?"

"Hmmm? You mean Mrs. Glee? No… I didn't… she's in Hawaii visiting some therapist… but… this new girl transferred here…" Squee's eyes went all foggy and he spoke with unmistakable signs of being quite smitten. "She has long blond hair… Blue eyes… Loves pink… and the way she waves around her riding whip and calls 'Hail Hitler'… Ahhhhh… She's incredible…"

"Squee…? Are you feeling well? Should I get you some Tylenol? Penicillin! Ritalin! MORPHINE? ANYTHING? LOVE IS THE ENEMY! RESIST IT! RESIST IT LIKE THE DISEASE IT IS! RESIST I SAY!" Nny took a moment to catch his breath. "Women… they only want your liver… Trust me… I know… I only have half of one…"

"You do?"

"Yup." Nny put his hand on Squee's shoulder like some understanding parent. "You see… Women are all alike. Every one of them LOOKS different, but I assure you, they are nothing more than liver-stealing vixens. Now go do your homework. I want you to get into college so you don't end up a welfare case drug addict and force me to kill you."

"Yes, Nny… I'll do it."

"Good boy. Run along now."

Squee tried to do his homework, but between day dreams and day mares of Malificent, for that was the new girl's name, he simply couldn't concentrate. It was only after staying up an hour lat that he finished his bloody math.

"Who actually sits around and makes these rules? Why does it all matter? We're all gonna die sooner or later… Why do I have to learn this stupid…" Squee fell asleep in mid sentence.

The next day at school, he ended up getting moved, due to one kid making too much noise and Mrs. Bitters feeling that he would absorb information more efficiently if he were within plain sight of the classroom camera. To his eternal delight he moved right beside his beloved. Close enough to smell the perfume she sprayed her Swastika flags with.

Squee looked over at her. She was reading a comic book hidden in her textbook. It was all about vampires, Nazis and Brazil.

"Um… Hi. My name's Todd… and I think you're… really… um… Arian…"

"Thank you!" She said with shining eyes. "But unfortunately, you're not. So please don't annoy me and I may make your death less painful than the other's." Her tone was full of honey.

"Yes, miss… as you wish…" Squee said but was thinking, "I shall watch you from afar, then, my love."


	3. Chapter 3

**Band-Aids and Backpacks**

Ok... Do I REALLY need a disclaimer? Well just in case... I DON"T own JTHM or Squee... blah blah blah... you know the rest.

Squee Jumped, trying to get his bag from off the top of the shelf, where SHE had put it. It wasn't really a high shelf… he was just short. With a groan of frustration he kicked it. His bag fell into his arms.

"Stupid JEW! STUPID PERVERTED JEW!" She had shouted. But it was worth it… the pictures he had taken of her in the girls change room were worth a million dollars to him… but what was that thing on her chest that went around her back and had the straps going over her shoulders? And why was she wearing underwear that was so small it went up her butt? Girls… Mental. All of them. But their undergarments DID cause a funny feeling below the belt… or was it the burrito? Yah… defiantly the burrito.

Slipping his bag over his shoulder he started home. The last time he had been this late, Nny had yelled at him. It was pleasant to know that his absence was noticed and someone cared.

"Late again!" Nny called as he entered. "Were you stalking that girl? What have I told you?"

"No… She threw my back pack onto this really high shelf…"

"Hmmm… well in a few years she'll be of legal age… then I'll kill her for you."

"But-"

"She sounds like she'll do a lot to deserve it in her remaining time."

"But she-"

"Now… should I slash her throat then carve her heart out, or should I carve her heart out and THEN slash her throat…? Or maybe I should just use a salad spinner and…" His words were drowned out as he walked down to his basement.

"Nny!" Squee called after him, but to no avail. His guardian was lost in his mindless mutterings of carnage, which were usually accompanied by screams of the tortured morons and pricks he kept to work off any emotion. With a sigh Squee wandered into the elder's room. The Styrofoam pastry advertisements were long gone, as was the weird burger thing… the bunny head was there though. It was shrunken and all mummified. Nny tended to talk to it when he was confused. Squee noticed that he did this less and less, and began to talk to him more and more. Where it WAS pleasant to have Nny trust him… some of the things he told him were a bit disturbing… more than a bit… A LOT disturbing!

Squee went to the kitchen and started to boil some water for ramen. No. Not ramen. Spaghetti tonight. They had ramen too often.

He took out a can of sauce and opened it. As he was removing the lid, he cut his finger open. "SQUEEEEeeeeeeee!" He cried in pain.

"Squee! Are you alright?" Nny shouted from the basement.

"Fine." The teen replied as he heard steps approaching.

"Oh… you cut yourself…" Nny reached into the cupboard. "Here, you need a band-aid." He gently applied it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Election Hell**

Ok… I don't own Squee or JTHM… and all the other things of which I violate copyright laws… etc. But I really should apologies to any who take offence to my Jew slashing. I have nothing wrong with them, I just like the idea of someone as innocent as Squee being in love with a Nazi.

"Class, despite my best efforts, the school sees it NESSISSARY to hold school ELECTIONS this year." Mrs. Bitterz said as she fed her desk. It purred. "If any of you would consider running… it would be a WELCOME sign of school SPIRIT. Any volunteers?"

Malificent promptly raised her pasty hand. "I would LOVE to, Mrs. Bitterz."

"That's sweet, dear." Mrs. Bitterz almost purred. It was clear who her favorite student was.

"I'll be her campaign manager!!!" Squee called.

"I'm not authorized to say no." Mrs. Bitterz grumbled.

"Fine, Jews like you make perfect slaves."

"Alright. First of all I'm not a Jew, I'm Catholic… or at least my grandparents were/are… Second, My guardian and I are atheists. Third, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH JEWS!!!"

"FOOLISH MORTAL!!! DON"T ARGUE WITH THOSE WHO KNOW MORE THAN YOU!!!" Mrs. Bitterz shirked.

"BUT WE"RE IN THE SAME GRADE!!!"

"DO NOT QUESTION MEEEE!!!" Both women (if you could call them that) screamed.

"Hark!" Some nerd in the back row called. "The bell!!!" The students all left, through varied exits, windows, doors, sewage pipes…

"Ok. What's wrong?"

"Nothing… Why do you ask?"

"I can tell. Remember, I know you well… I also know that school makes you hungry, and you haven't touched your food."

"Ok. So there is something wrong…"

"Do tell…"

"Well… do you remember me saying I had a crush?"

"Unfortunately, yes… Yes I do."

"Well… She's running for student president, and if she wins…"

"Mmmm hmmm?"

"Well… She's just EVIL!!! I've tried everything, and all she does is scream 'Stupid Jew' and things like that…"

"So she's a Nazi?"

"Yes." Squee sighed. He flung his head down on the table. "She's even planning to replace the gym with a torture chamber."

"So does she plan on changing anything in the school?"

Squee looked up. "Oh, ha ha. Really, my LIFE could be in danger here!!!"

"Good heavens, no!!! Don't you forget, she's just a rookie, compared to me… If she gets… overzealous… I'll give you some tips…"

"With YOUR help… I'd probably be made her assistant…"

"Good IDEA!!! Destroy from within!!!" Nny had jumped on the table and struck a dramatic pose like some knight. Squee tried to hide under said table. Even though he was in his own house, he was certain someone was watching. Perhaps it was the remaining paranoia that the 'Shmee Incident' left him with.

"Um… actually… I just want to survive junior high… so… the last thing I want is your help in… those areas…"

"Well… than you must take comfort in thinking that tomorrow can be no worse."

In fact, it was far better.

Malificent was at some conference with Mrs. Bitterz. The class had a substitute. She was normal in every way. She even allowed Squee to work on his campaign. The first thing they needed, he decided, was a slogan. Since he had thrown out "Blood For The Master!!!" and "OBEY!!! Vote Malificent!!!" He decided to try to write one himself. "Vote the Smart Way!!! Vote For Changes!!! VOTE FOR MALIFICENT!!!" That would have to do… he mentally added "After all, things can't get any worse, can they?"

He was wrong. Dead wrong.


	5. Chapter 5

**An Admirer**

The old, "torment those who have a crush on you" strategy was getting boring. She decided it was time to move to faze two. Follow him home, find stuff out, and blackmail him.

She did just that. As Todd was innocently heading towards his humble abode, he was followed by Malificent. She had with her a camera. She watched through a window as Todd made dinner. Nothing horrible there… She watched as he and his creepy guardian sat down to eat… nothing… as Todd did his homework… no… As his creepy guardian went into the basement, and came back up with a pair of daggers… interesting… She watched as he left the house through the other window…

She decided to follow him. However he gave her the slip within a few blocks. As she continued to search for traces of him, he appeared behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. "Wha-!"

"Perhaps you are unable to read, but the sign on my front yard says to keep off the grass, as it's impolite to walk on the dead…"

"… you didn't really mean that…"

"Oh yes I-"

"Ooh… Look boys, the neighborhood fag is not only a fag, but a pedophile as well…" Some smoking figure across the street called to his friends as they joined him for an evening spent at Café le Prick…

"Excuse me for a minute…" He smiled at her like a gentleman attending a ball with his beloved and the weird cousin form Texas starts singing Madonna Karaoke…

Malificent watched with wide eyes as he went about hacking and slashing at the foolish mortals who thought that he was a wimp by his size. She didn't even blink, though it wasn't really that big of an accomplishment, as it was a short show. The swastika flags drooped and the whip fell from her hands…

"Sorry… now… where was I? Oh, yes… KEEP THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!!!" He was gone… even before his echo died away into the night…

"He's magnificent…" She whispered, her eyes glassing over with admiration…

Nny walked home, not followed. As he passed the 24/7 he decided what he needed was an ice sucky. He bought one for Squee as well, a lime one, the boy's favorite. He paid with a pair of blood soaked dollar bills. The cashier asked no questions.


	6. Chapter 6

**More Hell For Squee**

Squee went to school the next day, as usual. However, when he sat down beside Malificent, he performed a rather exaggerated double take. The object of his affections sat there, but her whip was replaced with a serrated dagger and the swastika flags were no more, instead she was wearing a 'Happy Noodle Boy' T-shirt. Rolling his eyes, he decided to ignore her.

"Hi."

"…hello…"

"That Johnny is really something…"

"How do you know his name?" His eyebrow rose.

"I have my ways… um… I was wondering… do you think we might get together tonight and… um… work on the campaign?"

"At my place, right?"

"Well… yes… I was wrong… you see… Hitler killed a lot of people, and we really need more population control… however… Johnny really only kills those who, Arian or not, you want to die… like those who cut you off in traffic and then finger you…"

"What do you know about being cut off in traffic?"

"More than you think… you see… I once stole this tank, and I TRIED to get onto the interstate, but this old lady was doing 60 in a 75 zone… well long story short, I tried to run her over, but there was a cat in there as well… and the helicopters started to drop bombs…"

"Class has begun, dear." Mrs. Bitterz interrupted, "But please include it in your short story due Friday."

"Yes, Milady Master."

They arrived at Squee's house. Johnny was out "Walking the dog". Malificent noticed that there was a complete absence of dog stuff, bowls, toys, or chewed rubber piggies. She knew what the man was really up to, and she hoped that he got the man who kept getting inappropriate with his cat…

They worked on the campaign as Squee prepared dinner, for three. He had to move an assortment of bloody weapons to the bathtub first. He was a little surprised when Malificent offered to help. But she handled them with a grace that only comes from experience.

When Johnny finally arrived, he found the annoying girl from he previous night there. He growled and sat down.


	7. Chapter 7

Johnny looked at Squee during a commercial. Malificent had left an hour ago, after confessing her love for Nny 14 different times over the course of the evening. After Nny was able to get her to leave (after giving her a VERY fake e-mail address) he and Squee settled down to watch some good old TV.

"What do you see in that girl?'

"Nothing... I thought her beautiful at first, but... well... after I realized that she was just crazy... well..."

"But I am crazy...? Do you not like me?"

"SQUEE!! It's not that! It's just... she copies a crazy person... she has no character of her own!"

"Point taken? How long until she is 18?"

"You don't plan to-?"

"NEVER!!" Nny stood up quickly. "But THE code says not to kill children or your mother..."

"Oh... then about 10 years..."

"Damn... well... we'll just have to wait, won't we?

"I suppose..."

Nny flicked through the channels... "Porn... porn... kiddie-cartoons... porn... tv shopping... porn... chick-flick... news... porn... OOH!!" Nny stopped in a surgery show. it advertized all Live ER footage...

"...Having been stabbed 23 times with what appears to be a popsicle stick..."

The episode continued to show the woman being wheeled out of surgery all wrapped up in bandages...

"...Is expected to make a full recovery..."

"WHAT!?" Nny exploded, "SHE SURVIVED!?" He turned to squee... "I have to go to the Hospital... my... Aunt is really sick..."

Squee didn't mention that visiting hours were long over or that he had no aunt or even that he was eating a popsicle in the middle of a cold-spell...


End file.
